Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
