no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Randomize
