I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Holy shit dude........stairs
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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