I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
even my farts smell like vagina
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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