i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
