So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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