why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
