so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
