I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
