yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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