ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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