smell my finger.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Randomize
