Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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