Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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