your thong is hanging out like whoa
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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