I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
My orgasm happened in two different decades
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
