...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
