Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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