I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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