She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
