Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize