The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
did you just send me my own nude
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
