Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
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