No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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