Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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