I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize