I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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