I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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