I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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