If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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