I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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