I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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