Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
did i just pee glitter
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
