I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
