You're my little dorito
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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