it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
