i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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