Cold hands, warm shart.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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