I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
