i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
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I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
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Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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