a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
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If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
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I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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