Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
