so explain again why im purple
no
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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