I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
