FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she smelled like a LAN party
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
