I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
