I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
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