I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
