There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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