I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
