is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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