You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
