She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
