dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Is it penis luge time yet?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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