i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
