Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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