It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
