What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
