k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
