Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
