i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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