I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
