You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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