I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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