We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I have tasted many bathrooms
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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