so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
