Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
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