ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
