I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
