DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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