evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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