So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
