R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
