P.S. I can't hear my feet
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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